Dartboard Jones

Dartboard is a Project Manager who earned his nickname with his sophisticated technical method of picking promise dates. He has more education than anyone in the department. You can tell from all the initials after his email signature: PMP, CAPM, MPM, CPM, PMITS, APM, PPM, CDP, and WTF.

He has never actually done any work, but doesn't have to. He has a special app named PMfaker that makes people who have no idea what they're doing appear as if they did. He knows the answer to every possible status question and every certification test question but still can't find the men's room.

Management decided to bring in a Project Manager to relieve the programmers of the overhead of running projects. But that plan backfired and doubled the programmers' work. Now they also have to explain to users, customers, and managers why everything Dartboard told them was wrong and who ate all the donuts.

Inspired by:David, Marci, Bob, Steve, Rhonda
Primary Motivation:appearing to get the job done
Pet Peeve:programmers who won't give estimates without requirements
Catch Phrase:"When will it be done?"
Biggest Accomplishment:fooling all his bosses into thinking he was essential
Favorite Movie:Office Space
Favorite book:Softwisdom


How Dartboard is Drawn

Dartboard is drawn with 32 rectangles, each with a border and some with rounded corners or slanted angles. These rectangles are described by data stored as arguments that are converted by software into HTML that your browser displays as pictures. Check out this Javascript example of code you can play with to alter my characters or create your own. Here are Dartboard's arguments:

Line left:89 top:27 width:0 height:90 bdrWth:0 leftWth:2
Dartboard, PM
Talk left:0 top:0 width:152 bdrWth:10 font-size:15 bdrClr:lightgoldenrodyellow background:lightgoldenrodyellow text-align:center ClipWth:264
Dartboard, PM
Person left:42 top:125 bdrWth:0
Dartboard, PM
BackHair1 left:7 top:7 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:-25 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
BackHair2 left:15 top:4 width:9 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:0 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
BackHair3 left:25 top:3 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:45 topRgtRad:15 background:black Angle:-15 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
BackHair4 left:35 top:7 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:-5 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
BackHair5 left:43 top:0 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:45 topRgtRad:15 background:black Angle:-15 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
Hair6 left:52 top:1 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:15 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
Hair7 left:63 top:7 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:-15 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
Hair8 left:71 top:3 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:15 topRgtRad:45 background:black Angle:-10 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
Hair9 left:77 top:6 width:7 height:31 botWth:0 topLftRad:45 topRgtRad:15 background:black Angle:35 ClipHgt:120
Dartboard, PM
Crown left:7 top:16 width:68 height:98 bdrWth:6 radius:10% background:black ClipHgt:36
Dartboard, PM
LeftEar left:0 top:52 width:11 height:18 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:-15
Dartboard, PM
RightEar left:81 top:52 width:11 height:18 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:15
Dartboard, PM
Torso left:-22 top:108 width:135 height:135 radius:37 background:deepskyblue
Dartboard, PM
Face left:9 top:22 width:74 height:86 radius:0 topLftRad:22 topRgtRad:22 botLftRad:60 botRgtRad:60 background:#fbc994 radTopRgt:0% radBotLft:0%
Dartboard, PM
LeftEye left:16 top:27 width:18 height:18 radius:50% background:white
Dartboard, PM
RightEye left:39 top:27 width:18 height:18 radius:50% background:white
Dartboard, PM
LeftPupil left:25 top:35 width:6 height:7 radius:50% background:lightgreen
Dartboard, PM
RightPupil left:42 top:35 width:6 height:7 radius:50% background:lightgreen
Dartboard, PM
LeftEyebrow left:12 top:21 width:18 height:18 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:25
Dartboard, PM
RightEyebrow left:43 top:22 width:18 height:18 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-25
Dartboard, PM
CenterLine left:36 top:19 width:10 height:10 bdrWth:0 leftWth:2
Dartboard, PM
Mouth1 left:20 top:64 width:37 height:0 bdrWth:0 topWth:2
Dartboard, PM
Mouth2 left:11 top:17 width:53 height:53 radius:50% background:lightcoral Angle:180 ClipHgt:8
Dartboard, PM
Nose1 left:32 top:49 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-15
Dartboard, PM
Nose2 left:36 top:52 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-80
Dartboard, PM
Earpiece left:-4 top:36 width:3 height:9 radius:50% background:black
Dartboard, PM
Headset left:0 top:28 width:37 height:37 radius:35% Angle:-140 ClipHgt:11
Dartboard, PM
Mike left:21 top:64 width:7 height:3 radius:50% background:black
Dartboard, PM
Name top:114 bdrWth:0 font-size:13
Dartboard, PM

The Resulting HTML:

<div id='Panel1' class='aaa' style='position:relative; width:166px; height:257px; border:2px solid; background-color:lightgoldenrodyellow; color:black; display:inline-block; vertical-align:top; font-family:Ssans-serif,cursive,sans-serif; margin-right:0px; overflow:hidden; margin-bottom:5px; '>

<div id='Line' class='abs2' style='left:89px; top:27px; width:0; height:90px; border-width:0; border-left-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='Talk' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:0; width:152px; border-width:10px; font-size:15px; border-color:lightgoldenrodyellow; background:lightgoldenrodyellow; text-align:center; clip:rect(0 264px 9999px 0); font-weight:bold; '> BLAH BLAH BLAH</div>

<div id='Person' class='abs2' style='left:42px; top:125px; border-width:0; '>

<div id='BackHair1' class='abs2' style='left:7px; top:7px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(-25deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair2' class='abs2' style='left:15px; top:4px; width:9px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(0deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair3' class='abs2' style='left:25px; top:3px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:45px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; background:black; transform:rotate(-15deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair4' class='abs2' style='left:35px; top:7px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(-5deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair5' class='abs2' style='left:43px; top:0; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:45px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; background:black; transform:rotate(-15deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='Hair6' class='abs2' style='left:52px; top:2px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(15deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='Hair7' class='abs2' style='left:63px; top:7px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(-15deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='Hair8' class='abs2' style='left:71px; top:3px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:15px; border-top-right-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:45px; background:black; transform:rotate(-10deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='Hair9' class='abs2' style='left:77px; top:6px; width:7px; height:31px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:45px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:45px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:45px; border-top-right-radius:15px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:15px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:15px; background:black; transform:rotate(35deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 120px 0); '></div>

<div id='Crown' class='abs2' style='left:7px; top:16px; width:68px; height:98px; border-width:6px; border-radius:10%; -moz-border-radius:10%; -webkit-border-radius:10%; background:black; clip:rect(0 9999px 36px 0); '></div>

<div id='LeftEar' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:52px; width:11px; height:18px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(-15deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEar' class='abs2' style='left:81px; top:52px; width:11px; height:18px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(15deg); '></div>

<div id='Torso' class='abs2' style='left:-22px; top:108px; width:135px; height:135px; border-radius:37px; -moz-border-radius:37px; -webkit-border-radius:37px; background:deepskyblue; '></div>

<div id='Face' class='abs2' style='left:9px; top:22px; width:74px; height:86px; border-radius:0; -moz-border-radius:0; -webkit-border-radius:0; border-top-left-radius:22px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:22px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:22px; border-top-right-radius:22px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:22px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:22px; border-bottom-left-radius:60px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:60px; -webkit-border-bottom-left-radius:60px; border-bottom-right-radius:60px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:60px; -webkit-border-bottom-right-radius:60px; background:#fbc994; border-radius-top-right:0%; -moz-border-radius-top-right:0%; -webkit-border-radius-top-right:0%; border-radius-bottom-left:0%; -moz-border-radius-bottom-left:0%; -webkit-border-radius-bottom-left:0%; '>

<div id='LeftEye' class='abs2' style='left:16px; top:27px; width:18px; height:18px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; '></div>

<div id='RightEye' class='abs2' style='left:39px; top:27px; width:18px; height:18px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; '></div>

<div id='LeftPupil' class='abs2' style='left:25px; top:35px; width:6px; height:7px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:lightgreen; '></div>

<div id='RightPupil' class='abs2' style='left:42px; top:35px; width:6px; height:7px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:lightgreen; '></div>

<div id='LeftEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:12px; top:21px; width:18px; height:18px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(25deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:43px; top:22px; width:18px; height:18px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-25deg); '></div>

<div id='CenterLine' class='abs2' style='left:36px; top:19px; width:10px; height:10px; border-width:0; border-left-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='Mouth1' class='abs2' style='left:20px; top:64px; width:37px; height:0; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='Mouth2' class='abs2' style='left:11px; top:17px; width:53px; height:53px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:lightcoral; transform:rotate(180deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 8px 0); '></div>

<div id='Nose1' class='abs2' style='left:32px; top:49px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-15deg); '></div>

<div id='Nose2' class='abs2' style='left:36px; top:52px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-80deg); '></div>

<div id='Earpiece' class='abs2' style='left:-4px; top:36px; width:3px; height:9px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

<div id='Headset' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:28px; width:37px; height:37px; border-radius:35%; -moz-border-radius:35%; -webkit-border-radius:35%; transform:rotate(-140deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 11px 0); '></div>

<div id='Mike' class='abs2' style='left:21px; top:64px; width:7px; height:3px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

</div> <!close Face>

<div id='Name' class='abs2' style='top:114px; border-width:0; font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; '>,&nbspPM</div>

</div> <!close Person>

</div> <!close Panel1 ()>