Nero Fiddler

Nero is the Vice President of I.T. This is his fifth job as a VP. Each of the others lasted exactly 3 years. He claims that's because it takes 3 years to fix things and move on. Those who know him say it's because it takes his bosses 3 years to realize that he accomplishes nothing.

He has never written commercial software, deployed hardware, designed a system, run a project, or dirtied his hands doing much of anything. But he's learned just enough lingo and made just the right connections to always find someone desperate enough to hire him. Between gigs, he works for some "I.T. Service" firm with a brand new Wordpress website and an About Page where his photo is the only googleable real person. This is to show that he's "pursuing new opportunities" on his LunkedIn profile instead of admitting that he was fired.

He "manages" in a time warp, only reacting instictively to stimuli because, like a reptile, he has no limbic brain that can think ahead. He has never removed the cause of a problem and has no idea how, so every process he implements is to fix bugs instead of avoiding them in the first place.

When others question him, he automatically believes they have selfish motives. They didn't get what they wanted, so they must be whining. It never occurs to him that they actually care about their work. They're worried that his decisions hurt profitability and put everyone's future at risk. Most of all, they know they'll have to come back later and clean up his mess. He doesn't care because he knows he'll be gone by then.

Inspired by:You know who you are. (Or maybe you don't.)
Primary Motivation:his LunkedIn profile ready for his next job
Pet Peeves:Customers. Users. Vendors.
Catch Phrase:"I'm a problem solver."
Biggest Accomplishment:not yet murdered by former employees
Favorite Movie:The Producers
Favorite book:anything not written by Ed Weissman


How Nero is Drawn

Nero is drawn with 28 rectangles, each with a border and some with rounded corners or slanted angles. These rectangles are described by data stored as arguments that are converted by software into HTML that your browser displays as pictures. Check out this Javascript example of code you can play with to alter my characters or create your own. Here are Nero's arguments:

Line left:89 top:27 width:0 height:102 bdrWth:0 leftWth:2
Nero, VP
Talk left:0 top:0 width:152 bdrWth:10 font-size:15 bdrClr:#fcbd87 background:#fcbd87 text-align:center ClipWth:264
Nero, VP
Person left:35 top:134 bdrWth:0
Nero, VP
LeftEar left:0 top:36 width:11 height:24 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:-20
Nero, VP
RightEar left:95 top:36 width:11 height:24 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:20
Nero, VP
Neck left:37 top:89 width:31 height:10 leftWth:2 rgtWth:2 topWth:0 botWth:0 background:#fbc994
Nero, VP
Torso left:-16 top:99 width:141 height:300 radius:31 background:turquoise
Nero, VP
Face left:9 top:3 width:89 height:89 radius:40% background:#fbc994
Nero, VP
LeftEye left:21 top:28 width:15 height:15 radius:50% background:white
Nero, VP
RightEye left:52 top:28 width:15 height:15 radius:50% background:white
Nero, VP
LeftCornea left:26 top:35 width:4 height:4 radius:50% background:black
Nero, VP
RightCornea left:60 top:34 width:4 height:4 radius:50% background:black
Nero, VP
LeftEyebrow left:14 top:19 width:22 height:22 bdrWth:0 topWth:4 Angle:15
Nero, VP
RightEyebrow left:53 top:19 width:22 height:22 bdrWth:0 topWth:4 Angle:-20
Nero, VP
Mouth left:33 top:62 width:21 height:21 radius:50% background:lightcoral
Nero, VP
Nose left:39 top:48 width:9 height:9 topWth:0 botLftRad:9 botRgtRad:9
Nero, VP
Earpiece left:-7 top:49 width:3 height:9 radius:50% background:black
Nero, VP
Headset left:-2 top:40 width:37 height:37 radius:35% Angle:-150 ClipHgt:11
Nero, VP
Mike left:27 top:76 width:7 height:3 radius:50% background:black
Nero, VP
Garland1 left:16 top:0 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:-40
Nero, VP
Garland2 left:21 top:10 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:-10
Nero, VP
Garland3 left:0 top:10 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:-60
Nero, VP
Garland4 left:5 top:19 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:-20
Nero, VP
Garland5 left:63 top:0 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:40
Nero, VP
Garland6 left:61 top:10 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:10
Nero, VP
Garland7 left:80 top:10 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:60
Nero, VP
Garland8 left:78 top:19 width:27 height:10 radius:50% background:limegreen Angle:20
Nero, VP
Name left:29 top:103 bdrWth:0 font-size:13
Nero, VP

The Resulting HTML:

<div id='Panel1' class='aaa' style='position:relative; width:166px; height:257px; border:2px solid; background-color:#fcbd87; color:black; display:inline-block; vertical-align:top; font-family:Ssans-serif,cursive,sans-serif; margin-right:0px; overflow:hidden; margin-bottom:5px; '>

<div id='Line' class='abs2' style='left:89px; top:27px; width:0; height:102px; border-width:0; border-left-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='Talk' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:0; width:152px; border-width:10px; font-size:15px; border-color:#fcbd87; background:#fcbd87; text-align:center; clip:rect(0 264px 9999px 0); font-weight:bold; '> BLAH BLAH BLAH</div>

<div id='Person' class='abs2' style='left:35px; top:134px; border-width:0; '>

<div id='LeftEar' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:36px; width:11px; height:24px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(-20deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEar' class='abs2' style='left:95px; top:36px; width:11px; height:24px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(20deg); '></div>

<div id='Neck' class='abs2' style='left:37px; top:89px; width:31px; height:10px; border-left-width:2px; border-right-width:2px; border-top-width:0; border-bottom-width:0; background:#fbc994; '></div>

<div id='Torso' class='abs2' style='left:-16px; top:99px; width:141px; height:300px; border-radius:31px; -moz-border-radius:31px; -webkit-border-radius:31px; background:turquoise; '></div>

<div id='Face' class='abs2' style='left:9px; top:3px; width:89px; height:89px; border-radius:40%; -moz-border-radius:40%; -webkit-border-radius:40%; background:#fbc994; '>

<div id='LeftEye' class='abs2' style='left:21px; top:28px; width:15px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; '></div>

<div id='RightEye' class='abs2' style='left:52px; top:28px; width:15px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; '></div>

<div id='LeftCornea' class='abs2' style='left:26px; top:35px; width:4px; height:4px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

<div id='RightCornea' class='abs2' style='left:60px; top:34px; width:4px; height:4px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

<div id='LeftEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:14px; top:19px; width:22px; height:22px; border-width:0; border-top-width:4px; transform:rotate(15deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:53px; top:19px; width:22px; height:22px; border-width:0; border-top-width:4px; transform:rotate(-20deg); '></div>

<div id='Mouth' class='abs2' style='left:33px; top:62px; width:21px; height:21px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:lightcoral; '></div>

<div id='Nose' class='abs2' style='left:39px; top:48px; width:9px; height:9px; border-top-width:0; border-bottom-left-radius:9px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:9px; -webkit-border-bottom-left-radius:9px; border-bottom-right-radius:9px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:9px; -webkit-border-bottom-right-radius:9px; '></div>

<div id='Earpiece' class='abs2' style='left:-7px; top:49px; width:3px; height:9px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

<div id='Headset' class='abs2' style='left:-2px; top:40px; width:37px; height:37px; border-radius:35%; -moz-border-radius:35%; -webkit-border-radius:35%; transform:rotate(-150deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 11px 0); '></div>

<div id='Mike' class='abs2' style='left:27px; top:76px; width:7px; height:3px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

</div> <!close Face>

<div id='Garland1' class='abs2' style='left:16px; top:0; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(-40deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland2' class='abs2' style='left:21px; top:10px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(-10deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland3' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:10px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(-60deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland4' class='abs2' style='left:5px; top:19px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(-20deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland5' class='abs2' style='left:63px; top:0; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(40deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland6' class='abs2' style='left:61px; top:10px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(10deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland7' class='abs2' style='left:80px; top:10px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(60deg); '></div>

<div id='Garland8' class='abs2' style='left:78px; top:19px; width:27px; height:10px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:limegreen; transform:rotate(20deg); '></div>

<div id='Name' class='abs2' style='left:29px; top:103px; border-width:0; font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; '>,&nbspVP</div>

</div> <!close Person>

</div> <!close Panel1 ()>