Pam Whadayawant

Pam is a business analyst. Her job is to define the "Big Fat What". She needs to understand how the business runs and the software needed to run it. She documents what the users need and passes it on to the programmers.

When things go well (never), this is called "SDLC" or "Systems Development Life Cycle". When they don't, it's called "Waterfall", which is a bad word. So instead she writes a "story" and gives it to the programmers who write software needed by the story. Then, every Wednesday, the users complain that that's not what they wanted at all and the cycle repeats each week. This is called "Agile", another corporate methodology for doing much to accomplish little.

Pam has 42 meetings today, so she's mastered the art of concurrent on-line conference calls. She just has to be careful not to use wrong microphone. Like the time her husband asked about her birthday wish and she responded to another meeting's question, "What's missing from ecommerce?" with "hot nasty kinky sex".

Right now she has 134 open projects and jumps around so much that she never gets anything done. But that's OK here because the appearance of getting something done is just as important as actually doing it.

Inspired by:Margaret, Alex, Michael, Matt, Dominique
Primary Motivation:a good status report every Tuesday morning
Pet Peeve #1:users who don't know the system
Pet Peeve #2:programmers who don't know the business
Catch Phrase:"Complete. We never thought this day would come."
Biggest Accomplishment:surviving 9 bosses in 3 years
Favorite Movie:My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Favorite book:Letter to the Eddietor


How Pam is Drawn

Pam is drawn with 37 rectangles, each with a border and some with rounded corners or slanted angles. These rectangles are described by data stored as arguments that are converted by software into HTML that your browser displays as pictures. Check out this Javascript example of code you can play with to alter my characters or create your own. Here are Pam's arguments:

Line left:89 top:27 width:0 height:89 bdrWth:0 leftWth:2 Angle:00
Pam, BA
Talk left:0 top:0 width:152 bdrWth:10 font-size:15 bdrClr:lightsteelblue background:lightsteelblue text-align:center ClipWth:264
Pam, BA
Person left:0 top:124 bdrWth:0
Pam, BA
Torso left:31 top:98 width:120 height:120 radius:53 background:darkgoldenrod
Pam, BA
BackHair1 left:40 top:0 width:86 height:86 bdrWth:6 botWth:0 topLftRad:43 topRgtRad:43 bdrClr:black background:black ClipHgt:48
Pam, BA
BackHair2 left:-3 top:36 width:86 height:86 radius:50% background:black Angle:110 ClipHgt:48
Pam, BA
BackHair3 left:99 top:36 width:86 height:86 radius:50% background:black Angle:-110 ClipHgt:48
Pam, BA
LeftEar left:36 top:42 width:11 height:18 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:-15
Pam, BA
RightEar left:132 top:42 width:11 height:18 radius:9 background:#fbc994 Angle:15
Pam, BA
Face left:45 top:13 width:89 height:89 radius:60 background:#fbc994
Pam, BA
LeftEye left:16 top:31 width:22 height:15 radius:50% background:white overflow:hidden
Pam, BA
LeftEyelid left:0 top:6 width:951900 height:0 bdrWth:0 topWth:2
Pam, BA
LeftPupil left:7 top:6 width:9 height:4 topLftRad:0 topRgtRad:0 botLftRad:21 botRgtRad:21 background:darkturquoise
Pam, BA
LeftMascara left:16 top:31 width:22 height:15 radius:50% background:#fbc994 overflow:hidden ClipWth:9599 ClipHgt:8
Pam, BA
Eyelash1 left:12 top:33 width:15 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:40
Pam, BA
Eyelash2 left:9 top:34 width:15 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:30
Pam, BA
Eyelash3 left:9 top:36 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:10
Pam, BA
RightEye left:46 top:31 width:22 height:15 radius:50% background:white overflow:hidden
Pam, BA
RightEyelid left:0 top:6 width:951900 height:0 bdrWth:0 topWth:2
Pam, BA
RightPupil left:4 top:6 width:9 height:4 topLftRad:0 topRgtRad:0 botLftRad:21 botRgtRad:21 background:darkturquoise
Pam, BA
RightMascara left:46 top:31 width:22 height:15 radius:50% background:#fbc994 overflow:hidden ClipWth:9599 ClipHgt:8
Pam, BA
Eyelash4 left:60 top:33 width:15 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-40
Pam, BA
Eyelash5 left:63 top:34 width:15 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-30
Pam, BA
Eyelash6 left:69 top:36 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-10
Pam, BA
LeftEyebrow left:13 top:16 width:27 height:27 radius:50% Angle:-5 ClipHgt:7
Pam, BA
RightEyebrow left:45 top:16 width:27 height:27 radius:50% Angle:5 ClipHgt:7
Pam, BA
Mouth left:31 top:63 width:27 height:18 radius:50% background:hotpink
Pam, BA
Lips left:31 top:67 width:27 height:9 radius:50% background:lightcoral
Pam, BA
Nose1 left:38 top:50 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-15
Pam, BA
Nose2 left:42 top:53 width:9 height:1 bdrWth:0 topWth:2 Angle:-80
Pam, BA
Earpiece left:-4 top:36 width:4 height:12 radius:50% background:black
Pam, BA
Headset left:2 top:33 width:37 height:37 radius:35% Angle:-140 ClipHgt:11
Pam, BA
Mike left:23 top:69 width:7 height:3 radius:50% background:black
Pam, BA
FrontHair1 left:45 top:9 width:31 height:37 radius:50% background:black Angle:32 ClipHgt:18
Pam, BA
FrontHair2 left:64 top:9 width:31 height:37 radius:50% background:black Angle:32 ClipHgt:18
Pam, BA
FrontHair3 left:85 top:11 width:31 height:37 radius:50% background:black Angle:37 ClipHgt:18
Pam, BA
Name left:66 top:116 bdrWth:0 font-size:13
Pam, BA

The Resulting HTML:

<div id='Panel1' class='aaa' style='position:relative; width:166px; height:257px; border:2px solid; background-color:lightsteelblue; color:black; display:inline-block; vertical-align:top; font-family:Ssans-serif,cursive,sans-serif; margin-right:0px; overflow:hidden; margin-bottom:5px; '>

<div id='Line' class='abs2' style='left:89px; top:27px; width:0; height:89px; border-width:0; border-left-width:2px; transform:rotate(00deg); '></div>

<div id='Talk' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:0; width:152px; border-width:10px; font-size:15px; border-color:lightsteelblue; background:lightsteelblue; text-align:center; clip:rect(0 264px 9999px 0); font-weight:bold; '> BLAH BLAH BLAH</div>

<div id='Person' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:124px; border-width:0; '>

<div id='Torso' class='abs2' style='left:31px; top:98px; width:120px; height:120px; border-radius:53px; -moz-border-radius:53px; -webkit-border-radius:53px; background:darkgoldenrod; '></div>

<div id='BackHair1' class='abs2' style='left:40px; top:0; width:86px; height:86px; border-width:6px; border-bottom-width:0; border-top-left-radius:43px; -moz-border-top-left-radius:43px; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:43px; border-top-right-radius:43px; -moz-border-top-right-radius:43px; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:43px; border-color:black; background:black; clip:rect(0 9999px 48px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair2' class='abs2' style='left:-3px; top:36px; width:86px; height:86px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; transform:rotate(110deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 48px 0); '></div>

<div id='BackHair3' class='abs2' style='left:99px; top:36px; width:86px; height:86px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; transform:rotate(-110deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 48px 0); '></div>

<div id='LeftEar' class='abs2' style='left:36px; top:42px; width:11px; height:18px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(-15deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEar' class='abs2' style='left:132px; top:42px; width:11px; height:18px; border-radius:9px; -moz-border-radius:9px; -webkit-border-radius:9px; background:#fbc994; transform:rotate(15deg); '></div>

<div id='Face' class='abs2' style='left:45px; top:13px; width:89px; height:89px; border-radius:60px; -moz-border-radius:60px; -webkit-border-radius:60px; background:#fbc994; '>

<div id='LeftEye' class='abs2' style='left:16px; top:31px; width:22px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; overflow:hidden; margin-bottom:5px; '>

<div id='LeftEyelid' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:6px; width:951900px; height:0; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='LeftPupil' class='abs2' style='left:7px; top:6px; width:9px; height:4px; border-top-left-radius:0; -moz-border-top-left-radius:0; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:0; border-top-right-radius:0; -moz-border-top-right-radius:0; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:0; border-bottom-left-radius:21px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:21px; -webkit-border-bottom-left-radius:21px; border-bottom-right-radius:21px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:21px; -webkit-border-bottom-right-radius:21px; background:darkturquoise; '></div>

</div> <!close LeftEye>

<div id='LeftMascara' class='abs2' style='left:16px; top:31px; width:22px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:#fbc994; overflow:hidden; clip:rect(0 9599px 8px 0); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash1' class='abs2' style='left:12px; top:33px; width:15px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(40deg); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash2' class='abs2' style='left:9px; top:34px; width:15px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(30deg); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash3' class='abs2' style='left:9px; top:36px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(10deg); '></div>

<div id='RightEye' class='abs2' style='left:46px; top:31px; width:22px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:white; overflow:hidden; margin-bottom:5px; '>

<div id='RightEyelid' class='abs2' style='left:0; top:6px; width:951900px; height:0; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; '></div>

<div id='RightPupil' class='abs2' style='left:4px; top:6px; width:9px; height:4px; border-top-left-radius:0; -moz-border-top-left-radius:0; -webkit-border-top-left-radius:0; border-top-right-radius:0; -moz-border-top-right-radius:0; -webkit-border-top-right-radius:0; border-bottom-left-radius:21px; -moz-border-bottom-left-radius:21px; -webkit-border-bottom-left-radius:21px; border-bottom-right-radius:21px; -moz-border-bottom-right-radius:21px; -webkit-border-bottom-right-radius:21px; background:darkturquoise; '></div>

</div> <!close RightEye>

<div id='RightMascara' class='abs2' style='left:46px; top:31px; width:22px; height:15px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:#fbc994; overflow:hidden; clip:rect(0 9599px 8px 0); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash4' class='abs2' style='left:60px; top:33px; width:15px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-40deg); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash5' class='abs2' style='left:63px; top:34px; width:15px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-30deg); '></div>

<div id='Eyelash6' class='abs2' style='left:69px; top:36px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-10deg); '></div>

<div id='LeftEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:13px; top:16px; width:27px; height:27px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; transform:rotate(-5deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 7px 0); '></div>

<div id='RightEyebrow' class='abs2' style='left:45px; top:16px; width:27px; height:27px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; transform:rotate(5deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 7px 0); '></div>

<div id='Mouth' class='abs2' style='left:31px; top:63px; width:27px; height:18px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:hotpink; '></div>

<div id='Lips' class='abs2' style='left:31px; top:67px; width:27px; height:9px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:lightcoral; '></div>

<div id='Nose1' class='abs2' style='left:38px; top:50px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-15deg); '></div>

<div id='Nose2' class='abs2' style='left:42px; top:53px; width:9px; height:2px; border-width:0; border-top-width:2px; transform:rotate(-80deg); '></div>

<div id='Earpiece' class='abs2' style='left:-4px; top:36px; width:4px; height:12px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

<div id='Headset' class='abs2' style='left:2px; top:33px; width:37px; height:37px; border-radius:35%; -moz-border-radius:35%; -webkit-border-radius:35%; transform:rotate(-140deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 11px 0); '></div>

<div id='Mike' class='abs2' style='left:23px; top:69px; width:7px; height:3px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; '></div>

</div> <!close Face>

<div id='FrontHair1' class='abs2' style='left:45px; top:9px; width:31px; height:37px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; transform:rotate(32deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 18px 0); '></div>

<div id='FrontHair2' class='abs2' style='left:64px; top:9px; width:31px; height:37px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; transform:rotate(32deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 18px 0); '></div>

<div id='FrontHair3' class='abs2' style='left:85px; top:11px; width:31px; height:37px; border-radius:50%; -moz-border-radius:50%; -webkit-border-radius:50%; background:black; transform:rotate(37deg); clip:rect(0 9999px 18px 0); '></div>

<div id='Name' class='abs2' style='left:66px; top:116px; border-width:0; font-size:13px; font-weight:bold; '>,&nbspBA</div>

</div> <!close Person>

</div> <!close Panel1 ()>



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