Ed Weissman
ED WEISSMAN
Programmer • Writer • Teacher
Y in
I LOVE MAKING SOFTWARE!

30+ years.   100 customers.   1000 projects.   1 million lines of code.

Days Since Last Bug: 0
dunningKruger
Eddie gets everything done but he does it his way.
missMgmt
Why do you insist on driving us managers crazy?
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Because Leon told me to "Frustrate
Your Manager".
leon100Devs
No I didn't.
I said,
"Manage Your Frustration".
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Welcome to my programing life of learning and having fun!
CLOSED TICKETS
- add Std Cost
- add Box IDs
- add WIP Report
- add AWS API
- add XML feed
- add Dropdown
- add colors
OPEN TICKETS
- fix Std Cost
- fix Box IDs
- fix WIP Report
- fix AWS API
- fix XML feed
- fix Dropdown
- fix colors
paulaNomial
Look how much Eddie has done! He's the 2nd best dev ever!
yogeshV

Who's the first?
Get
More
Coffee
Set up
Happy
Hour
Hide
from
Nero
Bet
on
Bears
Bring
some
Donuts
Take
Long
Lunch
scrumBell

Everyone else.
headlessHunter
Eddie looks too young to have been coding
for so long.
bettyWeissman
He started very early. He was still in diapers.
veraVague
How old
were you?
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman

29
wandaWant
I'm here because programmers can't analyze.
html
css
ux
svg
font
wtf
indigoPixel
I'm here because programmers can't design.
Days Since Last Bug: 0
dunningKruger
I'm here because programmers can't manage.
garyRiggs
I'm here because
none of them
can code.
tab&commaDelimitter
The only two things that Eddie can
never do are
Mind reading
and
time travel.
missMgmt
You should have known what the user wanted!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
That's both
of them.
MISSION STATEMENT
If you're reading this, you're the first person who ever did.
ORG CHART
I'm the boss. You're not.
OPEN DOOR POLICY
lol lol lol lol
neroFiddler
Get Eddie's estimates on these 21 new Jira tickets.
Get
More
Coffee
Set up
Happy
Hour
Hide
from
Nero
Bet
on
Bears
Bring
some
Donuts
Take
Long
Lunch
scrumBell
That won't work. Eddie would never be able to do that.
helenWaite

Why not?
floChart
Because he can't count to 21 with his pants on.
helenWaite
Congratulations. Everything went perfectly.
MISSION STATEMENT
If you're reading this, you're the first person who ever did.
ORG CHART
I'm the boss. You're not.
OPEN DOOR POLICY
lol lol lol lol
neroFiddler
Yes. Your castration was a complete success.
conVicted
CASTRATION?
I was here for circumcision!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
The Jira ticket said "castration" so that's what we did.
helenWaite
Wow Eddie,
looking good!
html
css
ux
svg
font
wtf
indigoPixel
Yea.
Nice body!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Thanks, ladies! When did you first notice
my body?
floChart
When we read your html.
oinksAlot
How much
does the Help Desk cost?
kimLee
$10,000 for 3 questions.
queenOfHR
Wow! Whose dumb idea
was that?
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Mine. Now what's your third question?
babeWeissman
Horrible news! Disease, fire, starvation, war everywhere!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
I don't care.
I'm too busy programming.
ezachOverflow
Great news! Peace, love and happiness everywhere!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
I don't care.
My computer
is down.
bettyWeissman
Eddie go buy a quart of milk. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.


When Eddie the programmer returns from the store
bettyWeissman
Why did you buy 12 quarts
of milk?!?
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Because they had eggs.



Scarred for Life by Recursions
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
May I please have an allowance?
bettyWeissman
Ask your
father.
babeWeissman
Ask your
mother.
xavier127.0.0.1
Eddie has a genius way to secure all his passwords.
unknownDev
He puts them in a file on the Krusty server.
CLOSED TICKETS
- add Std Cost
- add Box IDs
- add WIP Report
- add AWS API
- add XML feed
- add Dropdown
- add colors
OPEN TICKETS
- fix Std Cost
- fix Box IDs
- fix WIP Report
- fix AWS API
- fix XML feed
- fix Dropdown
- fix colors
paulaNomial
What's the password to Krusty?
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
It's in my file. Oh. Wait.
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Nero's always putting me down. I'm
sick of it.
helenWaite
Cheer up. You're the Employee of
the Month.
MISSION STATEMENT
If you're reading this, you're the first person who ever did.
ORG CHART
I'm the boss. You're not.
OPEN DOOR POLICY
lol lol lol lol
neroFiddler
Eddie has won the Employee
of the
Month award.
We should all be excited.
If he can win it, anyone can.
xavier127.0.0.1
Oh no! Eddie's program is printing the wrong labels!
garyRiggs
Nero just drank a whole bottle of rat poison marked Ice Tea!
missMgmt
Our worst bug ever! This is absolutely horrible!
floChart
Yea. How are we gonna kill the rats now?
tab&commaDelimitter
How will we get rid of the rats in the server room?
alGorithm
Don't worry. I'll ask Xavier to take care of them.
missMgmt
Wow! the rats are gone. How did you do that?
xavier127.0.0.1
I gave them their CNE certs. They all got better jobs.
conVicted
Eddie, you're not a team player! No raise for you!
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Never yell at
the programmer whose code draws you.
conVicted
 
CLOSED TICKETS
- add Std Cost
- add Box IDs
- add WIP Report
- add AWS API
- add XML feed
- add Dropdown
- add colors
OPEN TICKETS
- fix Std Cost
- fix Box IDs
- fix WIP Report
- fix AWS API
- fix XML feed
- fix Dropdown
- fix colors
paulaNomial
Dev justice.
The power of "display:none".
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
We needed to free up space on production drive q:
so I removed all the semi-colons from the javascript.
kimLee
Just when you couldn't get any more agile, you go and do this...
ezachOverflow
and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
Get
More
Coffee
Set up
Happy
Hour
Hide
from
Nero
Bet
on
Bears
Bring
some
Donuts
Take
Long
Lunch
scrumBell
Eddie doesn't have many real friends, so he made us up.
TAROTAGILEVOODOOeeddieWeissman
Except for my Mom and Dad. They're always on my website.
babeWeissman
You call this
a website? Where's the bar?
bettyWeissman
Screw the bar! Where's the buffet?
Software Development
Business Analysis
Project Management
Technical Consulting
Manufacturing
Distribution
Ecommerce
Retail
Healthcare
Government
U2
SB+
HTML
CSS
JS
React
Ruby
Python
Node
PHP
 
The Female Athlete
Catalog Performance
Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun 20% 40% 60% 80% 100%

The Female Athlete sold sporting goods and apparel via internet, phone, fax, and mail, supported by catalogs, email blasts, and outbound calling.

Continuation of business absolutely depended on knowing exactly where every order came from. That data was on the web back end, the ERP database, the phone system, the Amazon API, even the scanning system.

I built a "Catalog Performance" web dashboard to pull it all together and support ongoing marketing. A far cry from 3 people reentering data into Excel spreadsheets.

mits  Business Intelligence
23,837,143 16,283,719 7,553,424 Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun 97% 64% 49%

I implemented the world's largest mits BI system in 2 months: 21 million master, order, and ERP records updated hourly or daily, all SOX compliant. Reports were both bottom-up and top-down.

The hardest part was cleaning up existing data, which tooks tons of code and exposed hundreds of legacy bugs (funny what you learn from data).

What made such a grunty project so cool? The customers. No more Jira tickets. Just use MITS!

160 users building all their own reports from millions of my records. I love Business Intelligence!

B/E AEROSPACE
Inventory Planning System
70150-09136-101 - TERMINAL
On Hand20,321OnOrder100Stk-Days388StkRunOut06/20/20
Minimum25,000TestPOs13,997PO-Days269POStkRunOut03/16/21
Trend1,570Cust BO300Full-Days657EndPlanCycl12/26/20
Avg Sls2,236MRP234Shrt-Days1LeadTmFence12/31/19
Ld Time31 wEOQ30,000Req-Days658ReqNxtDeliv05/21/20
from 1QuoteQty Req0FullShortReqNxtPoSch02/14/21
SafeStk4,222SuggOrd0MosPlan-1DemandMethTREND
Stock
Purchase Orders
OUT
       388                06/20/20           269       03/16/21
05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 01 02
F1-Help F2-POO F4-Test F5-Dtls F6-Vert F7-Horz F8-Bars F9-Graph F10-Meth F11-Nxt

B/E Aerospace, was 3 companies who planned inventory by either min/max, safety stock, or MRP, but their software only did min/max. They struggled finding a "best of breed" replacement.

I built a custom Inventory Planning system that satisfied the exact needs for all 3. It harvested and processed ERP data and presented it in a webpage. With help from all 3 teams, I finished in 6 months.

IT leaders never envisioned doing this, but when you can build software, almost anything is possible. 12 years later, the users love it so much, you'd have to "pry it from our cold dead hands".

MARK
LIFT
One
Step
Shipping
Model
Configurator
eddie codes
Marklift

Marklift made custom lifts, no two of which were the same. They had thousands of options and millions of possibilities. Unfortunately, their ERP system didn't handle that very well.

They had trouble keeping track of orders. Worse, it took all day to ship each one. One day, a frustrated shipping clerk cried, "Why can't they make software for the way we do business?"

So I did. They taught me what they did and I wrote Model Configurator and One-Step Shipping systems. I love when customers complain. Those can be the best opportunities to build something special.

RobeyBarber
Database Utilization
TABLE NAME
SIZE
BASE
OVERFLOW
Work Orders
1,245,825K
100%
99%
Sales Orders
1,218,348K
100%
99%
Inventory
12,925K
100%
99%
Payables
416,248K
100%
99%
Customers
248K
100%
99%
Purch Orders
1,163K
100%
99%
Quotes
116K
100%
99%
Contracts
183K
100%
99%
Samples
37K
100%
99%
Vendors
76K
100%
97%
Employees
34K
100%
96%
Receivables
3,248K
100%
94%

Robey-Barber processed insurance claims without any IT. Their software was horribly slow but the vendor couldn't fix it so they engaged me. Right away I saw that the database was badly undersized.

The DBMS used a hashing algorithm to "spread" the data but hadn't been upsized in so long that 99% was in overflow. I wrote a program that computed proper sizes and rebuilt everything over a weekend.

On Monday users noticed a 95% reduction in batch and on-line response times, as I expected. They were so happy, they made me "Employee of the Month" even though I was a contractor. Woo hoo!

SGIPhoenix
ERP Project Summary
PHASE
Major Tasks Needed
RESULT
SCHED
PLAN
Continue Business

New Info Needs

Write Proj Plan
Plan
ongoing
REQS
Mission Strategy Obj Benefits Priority Func Reqs Scale
Tools
Specs
Mar-Apr
SELECT
search docs narrow RFPs model eval demos
test drive select deal
HW & SW
Mar-Apr
FINISH
install reqs train policy process docs test load reports cutover audit
System
May-Jun

SGI doubled its size with one acquisition which came with an ERP system, but only for 8 months. I was engaged to find and deploy a new system.

SGI was a job shop with a complex bill of materials, a tough combo. I built a team, did a search, and selected the best option. We test drove it, liked it, and added our additional requirements.

Then the fun began. I mapped and loaded the data and wrote more software, staying current on releases. It all worked great so we cutover 2 months early. I still wonder why so many others take so much longer to accomplish so much less.

Paperpak
Class A ERP
DISPATCH   PRODUCTION INVENTORY   SHIPPING 1001-01 blah blah blah blah 0110 0101 0110 0100 0110 1001 0110 0110

Paper-Pak's auditors insisted on new software to fix problems, which I knew were really caused by poor practice. The CFO eventually agreed with me.

So we focused on the business, not the software. I wrote a Project Plan to achieve Class A ERP in 90 days by fixing broken processes and writing more software. Our team changed how we did business.

We hit our targets and turned a 15% loss into a 15% profit, hitting every promise and delaying a million dollar software purchase indefinitely. Still my favorite project ever, the perfect storm of opportunity and management willing to seize it.

Lost Hours - Biggest Reason
Jose Cutting blade wear 8 Molding die fittings 12 Plating bad chemicals 30 Diane Taping shortages 4 Fitting wrong tools 14 Assembly plastic flash 34 Ted Drying oven down 8 Masking heat issues 7 Painting booth issues 22 Lucy Slicing bad tools 4 Punching worn dies 14 Kick Press late parts 26 Jim Lights bulb wear 5 Testing batteries 11 Wiring wrong orders 26 Fred Admin computer 4 Loading UPS late 8 Handling forklift down 16

SAE made connectors in 3 factories that were losing money by inefficiency. I was engaged to build tools to address and resolve this.

Engineers built standards, workers tracked their work, I wrote software, and supervisors identified the cause of "lost hours" in their morning standup. The surprising results identified our biggest problems and solutions in decreasing importance.

In 3 months, we flipped annual output by $3.5 million, not bad for spending a little money for a lot of help. A classic example of software "printing money".

WitcoChemical
Purchasing Roadmap
UNDERLYING PROBLEMS
don't know another
buyer's suppliers

don't know supplier's salesmen's products

no formal supplier eval

don't always know how important we are to supplier
OPERATING RESULTS
not sure where to place emergency orders when buyer is out

not sure where to place new product orders

not sure who to talk to at supplier
SUGGESTED ACTIONS
centralize supplier data

establish supplier / buyer relationships

establish supplier / product
relationships

establish salesman / product
relationships
PLANNED BENEFIT
share knowledge of suppliers

profide buyer coverage

eliminate requests & phone calls

improve
leverage

decrease
freight cost
OBJECTIVE ADDRESSED
position for growth

get best value

maintain supplier relations

communicate

Witco manufactured chemicals with an ERP system that didn't handle Purchasing well enough. They wanted their own system to save money up front. I was engaged to find and implement it

Corporate made large chemical and container purchases while Divisions bought many small MRO items. Each thought the system should be for them.

I got all of them in one room to fight it out. We were more concerned about planning than process. We found enough common ground to pick and implement the best system for us. It's amazing what we can do when we come together!

Russellstoll
Project Standalone
BEFORE Overhead (3.2M) Admin (.7M) Maintenance (2.1M) Software (1.5M) Hardware (2M) How We'll Save $4.5 Million Every Month much better business fit not nearly as much needed far less moving parts state of the art ERP advanced 64-bit tech AFTER Overhead (1.4M) Admin (.5M) Maint (.9M) Software (1M) Hardware (1.2M)

As Russellstoll's IT Director, I inherited shared use of another division's ERP system. I tried to get them to address our needs, but it was no use. We were paying 3 times too much for wrong software.

I attacked the problem to find our own system. Technology had advanced so much that 2 systems would actually cost less than one.

Leadership finally understood as I dragged them into a new world. We implemented another ERP, reducing IT cost by 60% and generating $100 million the first 2 years. The tech part was easy. The people part was hard, a lesson I would never forget.

BOEING
Tech Specs Offshore
Programs Data Base Resources Test Plan

Boeing IT wanted to cut offshore because of poor quality. Why? They were capable and hard working, so what was wrong? Maybe it wasn't them but us.

I got a team of 12. Nothing went offshore without Tech Specs detailing exactly what to do. Programs, database, test plans, etc. Others said, "You might as well write it yourself." I peer reviewed all of it and rejected anything that wasn't perfect.

Their work improved immediately. "Tech Specs + Offshore = Software while I Slept." My peers were right. I could have done the work but what would have been learned and who would have learned it?

Matrix Group
Bar Codes and Bit Maps
3058675309

Matrix Group had one warehouse serving 9 different ecommerce systems. Inventory was combined but they couldn't take advantage of economies of scale because of printing. They had to mount custom forms to pick one company at a time and had been going nuts trying to resolve this.

Software provided a simple elegant solution. I wrote 2 programs to generate HP escape sequences directly to a single laser jet printer with blank paper. One for bar codes and another for logo bitmaps.

I modified the barcode program to do the same with SVG right here on the other side of this story.

Maverick
Code Generator
WRESTLE1
SKU Setup
VolleyballOne
14 ERP APIs
Sweet&Powerful
Sales Dashboards
theBASEBALLWAREHOUSE
Integration
6DSIX DISCIPLINESBuilding Organizations that Execute.
Business Requirements
PharMerica
Claims Processing
tmesys
Outbound Calling
tsiflorida
ERP Implementation
BROADCASTASSOCIATES
Basic Conversion
*PHP
Demographics CRM
MPTotalCare
HCFA A/R
DANKA
Infolease Taxes
MVCI
Sales & Billing
infor
Corrections System
ITT
NAFTA Module
Kalamazoo
Medical Module
MUNCIE
Report Writer
CHARLESTON
Corrections Module
OCS
Dashboard Driver
Melameuca
IT Reorg Plan
Allied
A/R Cleanup
FASTCASH
Relational Database
DISTINCTIVESOLUTIONS
Truck Faxing
ORION
Project Management
PACIFICPHYSICIANS
Automated Intergrations
TSI
Shop Floor Control
Rockwell
Clean Room Production
CCIndustries
Job Shop ERP
CCW
Automotive ERP
Univar
Process ERP
CompuFACT
Job Shop ERP
Inventory Module
KENNEDY CO.
AMAPS OI split
ciba
2500 Interviews
guestsupply
Qantel ERP
EQUITABLE
Retirement Calculation
ASARCO
MSA Payroll Extract
MiPCO
Sales Order Entry
MIDLANDROSS
Production & Shipping
SteelCity
Capacity Planning
 
chemistry
How Chem Lab Made Me a Better Developer
(It had nothing to do with chemistry.)
READ MORE
empathy
Eddie's Law of Empathy
The best way to understand the other is to have been the other.
READ MORE
bug
Insidious Bug or Comedy of Errors?
Just another day in the nest
READ MORE
pulse
Eddie's Law of Pulse
Deep Awareness is inversely related to the square of the distance from the source.
READ MORE
6days
It Takes 6 Days to Change 1 Line of Code
I love programming. It's the process I can't stand.
READ MORE
depth
Eddie's Law of Depth
Understanding is directly related to the square of the distance below the surface.
READ MORE
 
John Quinton
John Quinton
Director, Inventory Planning
B/E Aerospace

Why are we buying a package? Because we don't have 6 Ed Weissmans.

Abbas Mehdi
Abbas Mehdi
CEO
Medmonk

After working with Ed we came out a million times better. If you're sincerely looking to improve your situation then I recommend taking Ed up on his offer.

Clifford Crestodina
Clifford Crestodina
Vice President, IT
M & M Aerospace

Ed is amazing! I'll always remember the positive energy he brought to the team and the value he brought to the shareholders.

Dominique Okonkwo
Dominique Okonkwo
Supply Chain PM/BA
KLX Aerospace

No one else has ever gave us project plans and promises as detailed and reliable as Ed's. He always asks the right questions.

Wendy Nelson
Wendy Nelson
General Manager
Matrix Group

No matter what we want to get done, Ed makes it happen.

Bob Rocco
Bob Rocco
IT Director
Russellstoll

I loved working with Ed on our ERP implementation. Once he came along, things started getting done.

Alex Cao
Alex Cao
Supply Chain PM/BA
Boeing

Whenever I face difficulties, I say that if Ed were here, things will be hugely different. In the good old days, he was my mentor, protector, and friend.

Orlando Sanchex
Orlando Sanchez
Director, Software Development
M & M Aerospace

I don't remember a single time when Ed and I ever talked about Supply Chain. He just took care of it. He's an animal!

John Zimmerer
John Zimmerer
IT Director
Southwest General Industries

SGI + Ed Weissman = Instant ERP.

Leslie Montfort
Leslie Montfort
IT Director
Allied Office Supply

I would most definitely recommend Ed.

Margaret Moran
Margaret Moran
Senior Director
Infor Public Safety

I can actually read Ed's code and see what it's doing.

Akshat Sharma
Akshat Sharma
Manager
Black Rock

Ed Weissman's advice seems like it's coming from someone who has been in the business of software for centuries.

Art Greenberg
Art Greenberg
Director, Software Development
Witco Chemical

Ed is head and shoulders above anyone else we've ever worked with.

Mat Honan
Mat Honan
Editor in Chief
MIT Technology Review

When Weissman weighs in on something, people who matter very, very much tend to pay attention.

Gerard Szatkowski
Gerard Szatkowski
IT Director
Robey-Barber

Give it to Ed and it just gets done.

Team Edward

Lysette Borges
Director
Annabel Lewis Vice President Melinda Festa Manager
B/E Aerospace Procurement Team

We LOVE Fantastic Ed's IPT! We never could have done JDA without it.

Gleb Esman
Gleb Esman
Sr. Security Strategist
Splunk

"The reason you're stuck is because you're too focused on yourself. It's not about you. It's about others." This line is worth the price of attendance.

Dave Caperelli
Dave Caperelli
IT Director
Steel City Electric

I loved reading Ed's status reports. No matter what my expectations were, he always managed to squeeze in a few pleasant surprises.

Barini Bhaskaran
Barini Bhaskaran
Software Engineer
Auriss Technologies

Everybody offshore wants to be on Ed's team.

Jolene Myers
Jolene Myers
CFO
Paperpak Products

    Grab him!

 
edw519 at gmail
Y in
Programmer • Writer • Teacher